Funny Quotes
Time is nature`s way of keeping everything from happening at once. Space is what prevents everything from happening to me.
The three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.
Millions long for immortality who don`t know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.
When I buy a new book, I always read the last page first, that way incase I die, before I finish, I know how it ends.
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we`ll be seeing six or seven.
At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
Children aren`t happy with nothing to ignore,
And that`s what parents were created for.