Money couldn`t buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.
Spike Milligan
If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.
Thomas Stephen Szasz
Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that`s not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
Robert Orben
Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.
Victor Borge
Let`s be naughty and save Santa the trip.
Gary Allan
Dogs look up to men, cats look down on them, but pigs just treat us as equals.
Winston Churchill
Accept that some days you`re the pigeon, and some days you`re the statue.
Scott Adams
Alcohol may be man`s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
Frank Sinatra
When you cannot get a compliment in any other way pay yourself one.
Mark Twain
Man was made at the end of the week`s work, when God was tired.
Mark Twain
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
Rodney Dangerfield