Funny Quotes

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Money couldn`t buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.

Spike Milligan

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If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.

Thomas Stephen Szasz

On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.

Henry Louis Mencken

The key to heaven`s gate cannot be duplicated.

Douglas Horton

Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that`s not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.

Robert Orben

Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.

Victor Borge

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Let`s be naughty and save Santa the trip.

Gary Allan

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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

Rodney Dangerfield

Dogs look up to men, cats look down on them, but pigs just treat us as equals.

Winston Churchill

Accept that some days you`re the pigeon, and some days you`re the statue.

Scott Adams

The world only goes round by misunderstanding.

Charles Baudelaire

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Alcohol may be man`s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

Frank Sinatra

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When you cannot get a compliment in any other way pay yourself one.

Mark Twain

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Man was made at the end of the week`s work, when God was tired.

Mark Twain

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

Rodney Dangerfield

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