Money couldn`t buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.
Spike Milligan
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
George Carlin
It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead for a year.
Tom Lehrer
Normal people [...] believe that if it ain`t broke, don`t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain`t broke, it doesn`t have enough features yet.
Scott Adams
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Mae West
What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.
Oscar Levant
Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.
Scott Adams
If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters.
Nora Ephron
There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
Oscar Levant
If your baby is beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time... you`re the grandma.
Teresa Bloomingdale
I muddled get my words sometimes up.
Talking to a drunk person [is] like talking to an extremely happy, severely brain-damaged three-year-old.
John Green
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Mark Twain
I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you dislike?
Jean Cocteau