Funny Quotes

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I don`t believe in astrology; I`m a Sagittarius and we`re skeptical.

Arthur Charles Clarke

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When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.

Steven Wright

So what's the speed of dark?

Stephen Wright

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.

Benjamin Franklin

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

Douglas Hofstadter

Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales.

Stephen Hawking

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When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.

Oscar Wilde

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Questions are never indiscreet. Answers sometimes are.

Oscar Wilde

2

Plastic surgery must be like childbirth without the child... After a while, if you’re satisfied with the results, you forget the pain and want to do it again.

Rita Rudner

Human beings are the only creatures who allow their children to come back home.

Bill Cosby

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

Agatha Christie

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If voting made a difference, they would make it illegal.

Donal Scannell

Marriage has no guarantees. If that`s what you`re looking for, go live with a car battery.

Erma Bombeck

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

Rodney Dangerfield

Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year.

Victor Borge

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