Funny Quotes


I`ve got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are `hello,` `goodbye,` and `I`m pregnant`.

Dean Martin

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I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it`s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

Ellen DeGeneres

Experience is a good school, but the fees are high.

Heinrich Heine

If you`re playing a poker game and you look around the table and and can`t tell who the sucker is, it`s you.

Paul Newman


I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

Henny Youngman

I`m lazy. But it`s the lazy people who invented the wheel and the bicycle because they didn`t like walking or carrying things.

Lech Walesa

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Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

Hedy Lamarr

There is a time for all things - except marriage my dear.

Thomas Chatterton

You cannot overestimate the stupidity of your audience. Insist on the obvious and glide nimbly over the esssential.

Ernst Zermelo

The Internet is the world`s largest library. It`s just that all the books are on the floor.

John Allen Paulos


Even if life has some challenges, it is generally better than the alternative!

Clark Elliott

As the Chinese say, 1001 words is worth more than a picture.

John McCarthy

It is well known that theoretical physicists cannot handle experimental equipment; it breaks whenever they touch it. Pauli was such a good theoretical physicist that something usually broke in the lab whenever he merely stepped across the threshold.

George Gamow

Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.

Don Herold

My wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. One or other of us has to go.

Oscar Wilde


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