Funny Quotes

 TimeFavorites

Addictions do come in handy sometimes: at least you have to get out of bed for them.

Martin Amis

Earn money by taking surveys! International offer!

Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

Dave Barry

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above average drivers.

Dave Barry

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.

Dave Barry

1

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Dave Barry

0

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be meetings.

Dave Barry

Earn money by taking surveys! International offer!

Sometimes it's better to light a flamethrower than curse the darkness.

Terry Pratchett

0

Marriage is a bribe to make a housekeeper think she`s a householder.

Thornton Niven Wilder

You need to be a human being to be really stupid.

Terry Pratchett

0

Time is like a drug. Too much of it kills you.

Terry Pratchett

Pets are always a great help in times of stress. And in times of starvation too, o'course.

Terry Pratchett

A chocolate you did not want to eat does not count as chocolate.

Terry Pratchett

1

If you trust in yourself... and believe in your dreams... and follow your star... you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.

Terry Pratchett

1

Plastic surgery must be like childbirth without the child... After a while, if you’re satisfied with the results, you forget the pain and want to do it again.

Rita Rudner

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Woody Allen

Accept

We use cookies to personalise ads and to analyse our traffic. We also share information about your use of our site with our advertising and analytics partners. By using our site, you accept the use of these cookies. See details