All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit you would stay out and the dog would go in.
I don`t like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn`t.
Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.
Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.
